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INSPIRED BY ERNST | drowned with two stories

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INSPIRED BY ERNST | drowned with two stories

In 1930s Germany, a mother and father watched the lives of their fourteen (yes, fourteen!) children divide. The eldest children had left home for America. They immigrated to Connecticut; one of them is my great-grandfather. The younger children remained in Germany in the heart of World War II. None would live past the age of 37.

Between the prosperity of those who left for America and the destitution of the ones who remained to see Germany through the war, there is outlier in the family of fourteen - Ernst. The footnote on his records says, “drowned in the Rhine River”.

There are two, completely different, absolutely plausible stories that could have led to his ending.

The simple story is from one other detail in that footnote: “drowned in the Rhine River during a seizure”. During a seizure. Epilepsy runs in the family, affecting descendants even today in 2020. If this is the case, Ernst is the earliest known relative to have it - that’s over 100 years of epilepsy in one blood line.

Swimming (and baths) are one of the more high risk activities a person with active epilepsy can do, so it’s plausible to imagine 24-year-old Ernst in 1930s swimwear, leisurely floating the winding river, when an unexpected seizure came over him and left him unconscious under deep water.

The more complex story is to look more closely at timelines, history, and maps. It was June of 1938 - the rumbling beginnings of World War II. German troops already occupied Vienna, Austria and Hitler declared to destroy Czechoslovakia just one week before Ernst’s death. And as for maps? The Rhine River, where Ernst drowned, separates Germany from its famously neutral neighbor - Switzerland.

Could something have gone wrong in Ernst’s attempt to cross the river to safer borders? There’s no way to know, but when you consider the lives of his other German-residing siblings, you think maybe he had a hunch for what was coming. In the next few years, one brother would be killed in the Siege of Leningrad and another in the largest confrontation of World War II - the Battle of Stalingrad. Seven of the siblings would die in Germany within eleven years, all deceased before 1950, all before age 37.

Two plausible stories, no way to ever know the full truth. Maybe it’s the love of unsolved mysteries in me, that makes this particular family history tale stand out to me despite the lack of details. The contrast between the lives of the American-bound siblings, the Germany siblings, and Ernst - right in the middle with a sad ending in the middle of a river - brings World War II history to a much more personal level. I wish I knew more about Ernst and his fateful day in the Rhine, but for now I connect with him by paying tribute to his story through these pictures.

We went to a gentle, winding, river that maybe feels a little bit like the Rhine River meeting the Black Forest in Germany. With an outfit reminiscent of a 1930s bathing costume, we photographed until the sun went down without another soul in sight. The sunset, the warm glittery water with tiny fish, the forest, it was perfect!

If you’re wondering, isn’t Ernst a man? Yes, this is my great-uncle who I’ve chosen to portray with a female model. Through history, it has always been more common to preserve the records and stories of men. Female ancestors are equally important though often dismissed as simply “wife of so-and-so” or “daughter of so-and-so” with no other information. I am portraying male ancestors with women models, because every male ancestor came from a woman. And so I honor him. And I honor her.

SEE ALSO
INSPIRED BY NANA | a newlywed prom
INSPIRED BY GRANDMA | Grandma Kaiser and the nudists

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LANEY+BRIGHAM | the day I stopped shooting at golden hour

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LANEY+BRIGHAM | the day I stopped shooting at golden hour

Photographers and golden hour are like peanut butter and jelly. It's one of the most common tips you hear - "golden hour is the best lighting for portraits" and yes. It typically is. Most portrait photographers who use natural light will begin their shoots 1-2 hours prior to sunset, some even prefer starting just 30 minutes before sunset to start their shoot the minute that bangin' GOLD, streaky, sun-flared-filled, warm, epic, sun-on-the-horizon movie scene light is alive. It is truly enchanting. For a long time, I sought this too.

But I didn't super love golden hour. My nightmares, I mean my literal nightmares that I wake up from in the night, are about shoots starting too late and the sun is gone and it's the middle of the night and I've got my camera and I'm panicking. Golden hour is a (relatively) small window of time unless you live in Iceland where they've got 3 hour sunsets half the year (goalz) and if a client is late, you can miss it. Watching the sun dip below the horizon as I get that text "15 minutes away!" has actually probably taken a few years off of my life.

But here's the story. I really misjudged sunset time for this anniversary shoot with Laney and Brigham. We arrived way too early! The sun was still pretty high in the sky and I was like craaaaaaap. To make things trickier, this was a location with no shade at all! I was squinting as I tried to check that my exposure was balanced and using my hand to shade my eyes the entire time. As I was driving home from the shoot, it still wasn't even sunset yet (typically photographers drive home in the dark!) and the thought running through my head was "OMG these might look terrible". I popped them into the computer later that night
AND
LOVED
THEM.

Cue epiphany.

SO BRIGHT. SO HAPPY. Sunset was SO far away that I wasn't stressed at all about running out of light. In fact, I felt more relaxed to take my time with each shot because I knew I could afford to take things slow. We could talk between shots for as long as we wanted. They told more stories of how they met and what was going on in their lives and I could just put the camera down and really listen rather than interrupt.

The colors were all so vibrant and lively! Laney and Brigham's skin glowed against the golden grasses and the blue sky was so vivid. These images truly reflected the brightness and happiness I strive to capture in every picture. Bright and happy is kind of my THING and this type of light, earlier than golden hour, just CLICKED with my style. 

So, photographers and golden hour may be peanut butter and jelly. But Emily and bright light might just be peanut butter and chocolate.

SEE ALSO
PHOTO TALK | how to work the ugly times when life itself has been sucked from the earth
MARY JANE+MICHAEL | 41 years and a floral wedding dress

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ESTELLE+JESSE | not a single bit of green

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ESTELLE+JESSE | not a single bit of green

These pictures are some oldies from very early in my career, but for as long as they've been around they have been some of my most popular images. Why? I like to think it's because they are especially beautiful in a scenery we typically see as especially ugly. It was early January after a dry spell of no snow for a while. Every think is a little murky and a little muddy. There's not a single piece of greenery or life on a single tree and the bare branches jut out a weird angles. It is the straight up UGLY part of winter... but it doesn't really feel that way. 

SEE ALSO
LANEY+BRIGHAM | the day I stopped shooting at golden hour
PHOTO TALK | how to work the ugly times when life itself has been sucked from the earth

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